I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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