im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
high people should be assigned attendants
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
