im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
