Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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