STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
