D3 body, D1 cock
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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