He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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