omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
