i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
