Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
