you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
