thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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