I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
