wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
