My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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