This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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