Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize