smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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