On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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