Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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