im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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