I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
