The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
