the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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