im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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