He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just googled if crying burns calories
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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