It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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