I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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