Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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