For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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