Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
