It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
