did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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