Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
