How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
