At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
