ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
