You smell like a Billy Joel song
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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