I could have mohawked her pubes.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
