You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
