okay pat passed out under dana's car
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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