last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize