I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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