k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
