I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
