I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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