He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
