dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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