I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
