My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
