put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
