that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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