I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
