I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
