All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
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I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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