He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
