My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
