That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
