Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
