I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
