i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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