What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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