The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
