This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
