I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
