im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
