Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
