your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
