the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
