She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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