he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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