The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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