I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
